Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
