You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
