He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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