moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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