bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
