I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
