well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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