So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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