Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
