no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize