My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
