I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
