That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
