i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
