what if every blade of grass was a penis?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
