Plan B is the new Plan A
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
