We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
