thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
