All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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