Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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