Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
