what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
