I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
