If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
