i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Terrible idea I love it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
