you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
