we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
