What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
