Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
