Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
