you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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