I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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