so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
