We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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