He felt like a one man threesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize