Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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