Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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