Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's shark week go big or go home
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