Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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