Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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