i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
