the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize