he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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