1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
