btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
