yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
