You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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