I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
