rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize