Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
