I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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