I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
