i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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