so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so let's talk penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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