she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
