Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
