ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
