well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
