I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
