the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
