it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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