This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
