if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
