My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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