did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
