TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
