He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No subtext here. People are naked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
