I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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