there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
