I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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